Say What...?

Some of these I may have printed on this site in the past – but nevertheless, they are certainly worth repeating. Keep in mind that these are actual quotes – some from complainants, witnesses, prisoner debriefings – and many from other Detectives! Enjoy!
“That’s putting the horse before the cart”
“If you don’t like the smell of Ben-Gay, try using the senseless kind”
“I got a mind brain headache (migraine headache)”
“He’s like a bull in a china closet”
“Behind every cloud is a silver platter”
“Go through everything with a fine toothbrush”
“Too many fires on the iron”
“We’re all making some shingles” (shekels)
“Let’s shake some feathers, or ruffle the trees”
“What time was the pronunciation”? (pronouncement of death)
“He’s in a seduced (induced) coma”
“I want her arrested, she kicked me in my test cycles (testicles)”
“She’s my wife-in-law” (common law wife)
“The statue of liberties (statute of limitations) passed on that charge”
“I’m an oppartunour.” (entrepreneur)
“I don’t speak English, I speak American”.
“I’m no criminal, I’m on parole”.
“I shot in self defense, I’m a defendant”.
“He don’t drink, he has sore roses (cirrhosis) of the liver”.
“She speaks English and Spanish, she’s bilateral”. (bilingual)
“I took one of those elastic altitude (scholastic aptitude) tests when I was upstate”.
“Can I play solitary on the computer on my break?” (solitaire)
“He’s got Al’s-Hammer (Alzheimer’s) disease”
“It was one of those 2 lebonese girls that live down the street”. (Lesbian)
“I got minstrel (menstrual) pain”.
“The bullet went in my thigh and missed my tentacles (testicles)”.
“The doctor said he got trouble with his veins from flea bites (phlebitis)”.
“The Arabs got biodegradable weapons.” (Biological weapons)
“He’s not a Baptist, he’s an Episcopal Alien”.
“I had a depraved (deprived) childhood”.
“I got an upper repository (respiratory) infection”.
Sign on a car repair shop: “We Fix Automated Transitions”
“He can’t come to work. He has conductors eye sores”. (Conjunctivitis)
“Somebody has to come here to sign the affa-davis”. (affidavit)
“You know, that Ornamental (Oriental) Chinese looking guy down the block”
“That’s one of them bomb dogs, it’s a Laboratory Receiver.” (Labrador Retriever)
"The fatal injury was repaired at St. Mary's and she is recovering"